Showing posts with label wtf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wtf. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Wait, WHAT?

YOU GUYS.
There are some serious shenanigans going on here.
I am sure you ALL REMEMBER the inaugural post here on TT&TH, back in 2011, in which I shared

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Well, now Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs is going to be an actual thing according to whoever.
No, I didn't watch their lameass HD trailer.
IT WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS IT WAS IN MY BRAIN SO STOP TRYING.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2014 Top Ten!

So everybody's doing Top Ten Whatevers. Here are ten things.
Also I have the flu and this is Day 18 and I have consumed A LOT of cold medicine and pain medicine and ice cream and pistachios.

2014 TOP TEN


10
This buffalo. You want to get on it now. Too bad. None of us are getting on it.



9
This amazeballs diving suit.

WTF is wrong with me in this picture.
It's like I'm dying but also enjoying getting abducted by aliens.

8
That time I thought there were going to be dinosaurs and it was a Park & Ride.


LIES.

7A
Two cats in a hamper.



7B
This sexy other cat.



6
This pumpkin my uncle carved to look like one of the Despicable Me minions.



5
These hellbeasts.



4
This hot guy at Pizza Hut.



3
TIE between this rubber frog with one eye and this lovely Easter bonnet.




2
The Dragon Wagon.



1
This hole that I had to climb into. SPOILER: Spiders.



Happy New Year, Internearthlings!
See you on the flip side!
Of this year!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Guest Post! 20 Things I Wouldn't Know About Had I Not Become a Writer

[You guys! Today I'm so excited to bring you a guest post by fabulous writer Carol Brendler!! I learned SO MUCH from this list . . .]

Writers sometimes joke that if the FBI ever seized their computers to examine them for evidence, digging up their browser searches alone would suggest that we have very troubled minds and habits. It's true that our research sometimes leads us into strange territory, and we writers tend to have our own idiosyncrasies as well. Hence, I present to you the following:

Things I Wouldn't Know About Had I Not Become a Writer


1. Pangolins.

2. The song sparrow's spring song sounds kind of like "Madge, Madge, put on the teakettle-ettle." Listen here.

3. Googly eyes do not stick very well to a butternut squash.

4. Morse code for S.O.S. is  . . . - - - . . .  Please make a note of it.


5. Linsey-woolsey is a fabric woven from linen and wool. (Duh, right?)


6. The letter U in Cyrillic looks suspiciously similar to our letter Y. Hmm.

7. Egg creams contain neither eggs nor cream.


8. Kraken is pronounced KRAW-kn. Rhymes with walkin'. Can also be pronounced to rhyme with fakin'.


9. Pilot Precise ink pens are superior to all other writing implements on the market.


10. Actress Norma Shearer had a lazy eye.

11. There was once a menagerie worker in a certain circus who had the unfortunate job of having to manually stimulate the female tigers over and over again whenever they went into heat.

12. Saddle shoes were introduced in the early 1900s as athletic shoes to be used primarily for tennis.

13. Earthworms are edible and chock full of protein. There are recipes.


14. That phenomenon where people think they see the Virgin Mary or Jesus' image in a grilled cheese sandwich or a concrete stain under an overpass is called a simulacrum.


15. Steam engines are a little scary to drive. 

16. Lest you think dating ads are a recent development, please note this "want ad" I found from The EveningStar (Washington, D.C.) of  August 2, 1879:



17. Pink fairy armadillos can be found only in a small region of Argentina. Or more likely, they cannot be found, since the vole-sized creatures will disappear into their holes whenever they feel nervous. Also, they are nocturnal and their tunnels are quite well hidden. Because they are so elusive, their official threat status is currently listed as "data deficient."

18. Willie and Tad Lincoln once put on a circus/minstrel show in the attic of the White House and insisted that any available soldiers, gardeners, and servants attend. Admittance was five cents, and Willie wore one of his mother's satin gowns as a costume (without asking).


19. A baby llama is known as a cria. Another acceptable term would be baby llama.


20. Merkins. (Note, this is PG-13 and NSFW)

Good thing I became a writer. Now, you. What sorts of trivia have you uncovered whilst doing research?

Carol Brendler is the author of the young adult novel RADIO GIRL (Holiday House) September 5, 2013.
 Coming summer, 2014: A picture book, NOT VERY SCARY, illustrated by Greg Pizzoli, from FSG.
 Also by Carol Brendler: WINNIE FINN, WORM FARMER (FSG, 2009) a picture book illustrated by Ard Hoyt.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

What Could Have Been

Today I searched "Richard Burton" on Amazon TV.

It suggested "Charles in Charge."

Your shenanigans make him sad.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Happy Birthday, Arachnid Minions!

Oh, friends. I've been wrtigng. I'm not fixing that spelling because that's how it cmae out. Jeebers, maybe I should fix some of this spelling. Who says jeebers?? I've been working on my next novel.

Also I made this picture.

There were spiders born in my bathroom today. So . . . yay?

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Titles Are Hard

We're rolling right along with my brilliant scheme of putting up lame teaser posts here at the mothership, my true home and the place I should be tending to instead of those Other Places.

Today's stale offering is a whine I did a while back over at the EMUs about how I can't think of good titles. Like, it's a good thing I didn't have to come up with titles for famous books, is what I'm saying.





I do invite you to share your favorites and least favorite actual titles, either there or here. 

Are there any books you would not read in public because of their titles? Any you would read only because of their titles? Do tell.

Friday, September 6, 2013

You Are Never Safe

So the contract is signed, the editorial letter has been received, and it's saaamoooooth sailin' from here on out.

WRONG.


You may recognize the creature with the menacing yellow eyes as a cat. You may also recognize the object upon which she is perched as a bathtub, complete with bath water and foot belonging to me.

This is my life now, both literally -- as I am actually taking a bath with a cat standing on the edge of the tub -- and figuratively, as my literal situation is also a metaphor for the insecurity of my writing life as a whole.

Image
This is literally the best "thumbs up" picture on the entire Internet.
For those of you unfamiliar with cats and/or bathtubs, Manic Thumbs-Up Guy will provide a helpful tutorial:

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No one wants a cat in a bathtub. Cat + Bathtub = Instant Bloody Razor Agony Death. But cats don't realize this until the instant they are ripping your face off in a frenzied, homicidal attempt to escape the water they just jumped into.

Getting a book deal is a little like a nice warm bath, flowery soaps, all the pencil puzzles and/or Miss Marples you could desire . . . and a cat sitting on the edge.

Because at any moment, for no reason, it could all go horribly, horribly wrong.

If you would like to read about my editor jumping into the bathtub with me, head on over to EMUs Debuts.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SIX JOBS

I'm sorry, internet friends. That title is a little hostile. And it's also a lie. I did have six jobs this summer, which was exactly as insane as it sounds, but now I am down to two. The truth is, I am a bit frustrated at how neglected this blog has been lately, because everyone knows that every time a blogger you've never heard of posts a picture of her head pasted onto a bowl of cereal, an angel gets his wings.

And look at what I was planning! The epic post that never was! I have no idea what any of those promises I made in my last post mean. All I can do is cobble together my idea of what a Paul the Psychic Octopus might look like:

SEE? I DID ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING TODAY, MR. WHISKERS. STOP JUDGING.
The long and short is that I got picked up by an agent, and now I have a two-book deal, which has kind of been running my creative life for a while.

http://cdn.cutestpaw.com
Take that cat picture. It's not even my cat. And why is it there? I envisioned it being my little kitty cheerleader, like YAY! BOOK DEAL! But the longer you stare at it the more manic it looks. Now it's kind of freaking me out.

"I'm so proud of you, I could poke your eyes out with toothpicks and suck on them like lollipops! LOL!"
Anyway, I'm in the midst of revisions and stuff. Like, literally, manuscript 3.0 is printing and I've got highlighters on deck, just like a Real Writer. HIGHLIGHTERS.

Will keep you posted.

THAT WAS A PUN.

And if you're interested in more of my rantings, head over to EMU's Debuts and peruse my debut post. I tried so hard to be more coherent than usual, and somehow still ended up pasting my head onto stuff.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

THIS IS WHY VIGILANTE JUSTICE IS A THING

This week, an online friend of mine exacted vigilante justice on a stranger who threw eggs at him from a moving vehicle. While it is not my story to tell, let's just say it ended with a punch in the face.

Today, I also felt vigilante anger.

As you know, I lead a stressful and important life. On any given day, I may have to write something, get dressed, stay in a crappy hotel, or take pictures of my cat.

Sometimes I just need to get away from it all. This is why I do pencil puzzles in the bathtub. But today, internet friends, my relaxing pencil puzzle bath time was absolutely basulaned.

You see, I was working on a puzzle called "Letterbox." You're given several boxes with two letters each, and you must combine them to make words in a box shape.

Here's my progress:

I'm usually pretty good at word puzzles. Not a master, but no neophyin either, and it frustrated me that I wasn't getting this one. I puzzled and stared and rearranged and puzzled some more. The bath water grew tepid, then cold, as I made no move to remove myself to more comfortable surroundings, like a reverse lobster. The lavender bubbles died small, quiet deaths. Still I puzzled. The dog and her gas decided to keep me company, and I puzzled on.

Finally, immersed in flat, cold water and surrounded by dog farts, I decided to do something I never do.

I decided to look at the answer.

It's not that I never give up. I often come across puzzles I'm too stupid to finish, but I just leave them incomplete. Utterly baffled, I turned to page 89, and the truth was revealed to me:
It's enough to make even a mild-mannered person like me go into a neckspin. Or punch someone in the face.